Can't keep a wife

I am 41 and have been divorced twice. I am on the verge of another divorce. All my wives cheated on me. I have never cheated and none accused me of doing so.

My first wife was never satisfied. She went with other men, married and single. I didn't have the money to give her all she desired. After we got married she went back to school. I helped her to pay her fees. When I was not around she allowed men to come to the house. Men have slept at the house while we were married. My children knew. I had to let her go because her lifestyle would have destroyed me. I was afraid I would get myself into trouble.

I met another girl. My friends liked her. They told me she was a good woman but there was nothing good in her. She had a man who picked her up and took her to work. She became involved with that man.

He meant more to her than I did. She lent him $100,000 without my knowledge. It was only after he failed to pay her back, that she told me about it. She asked me to intervene. When I did, he said to me that the money was a gift and not a loan. I asked him why my wife would give him a gift of $100,000. He said it was for services rendered. That is when I realised that they were having an affair.

That same night, I had a dream that I saw my wife and having sex. I told her one of his friends told me they were having an affair. She did not deny it. She went abroad and divorced me.

I got married again but my wife and I are not getting along. I suggested that we go for counselling but she told me I am the problem, I should go. Please, help me, dear pastor.

T.W

Dear T.W.,

You are only 41 and having such marital problems. Evidently, after the first marriage, you shouldn't have got married again, so soon. Something has to be wrong. Why is it that all the ladies cheated on you? Don't you believe you have some sort of shortcoming? What is your third wife doing that is causing so much concern, and pain, that both of you cannot resolve? She has refused to go with you for counselling.

I repeat, what is the problem, brother? Start with yourself. Tell your wife you are determined for both of you to stay together. Don't threaten to leave her if she doesn't do what you want her to do.

You have not admitted it, but I believe sex has a part to play in the breaking up of your relationships.

Two former wives became sexually involved with other men. You claimed they wanted money but it was much more than that, and you know that very well. Your first wife was flashing it all around. According to you she gave it to Tom, Dick and Harry.

Your second wife was so happy with her driver that she loaned him $100,000. When he refused to pay her back and you intervened, he declared that it was for services rendered.

How embarrassing that must have been for you to hear those words from the lips of a driver. You didn't have to ask him what type of service. Common sense should have told you the nature of the service. That's bad.

Have you ever had yourself checked out by a urologist? I hope you are not annoyed by my question. Try to convince her to accompany you to see a family counsellor. If you write me back, tell me the whole truth.

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